


Calm After the Storm

by aphreal



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Age Regression/De-Aging, F/M, Trope Bingo Round 1
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-22
Updated: 2013-05-22
Packaged: 2017-12-12 16:09:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/813462
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aphreal/pseuds/aphreal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>While trying to help Shepard sort out the information from the Prothean beacon, Liara inadvertantly jarred loose some painful memories from Shepard's past. Kaidan tries to help her hold together while she comes back to her senses . (set in ME1, pre-Shenko relationship)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Calm After the Storm

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the Trope Bingo square "de-aging", submitted during amnesty because it didn't fit into a line.

Kaidan woke up stiff and disoriented, trying to remember where he was and why he’d been sleeping sitting upright in his uniform. He rolled his neck and shoulders, sore from resting in an unnatural angle against a headboard and bulkhead wall. The dim glow from the terminal screen confirmed that he was in the captain’s quarters, not somewhere he would ever have expected to fall asleep when they belonged to Anderson. And if he’d considered the idea now that Shepard was in residence, well, the likelihood had seemed pretty remote, all things considered. 

The body pressed against him shifted, Shepard stirring in her sleep. That was probably what had woken him up in the first place. He stretched his neck a couple more times, trying to clear the fog from his mind enough to deal with Shepard if she was waking up. He needed to be prepared for either the panic and terror she’d been stuck in the past few days or whatever other reaction – likely outrage – if she’d finally come back to her senses. 

“Kaidan?” She sounded groggy and confused but far more like herself than he’d heard for several days. Maybe the worst was about over. 

“Yeah, it’s me.” He thought about asking how she was feeling, but she’d been so volatile that he wanted to let her sort things out in her own time. Kaidan idly wondered how she’d identified him with her face buried in his shoulder like that. Lucky guess, maybe. 

After a few minutes of thought, Shepard spoke again, still sounding disoriented and not fully awake. “Did I get really drunk?” 

“Ouch. That hurts, Shepard.” He chuckled to show he wasn’t serious. 

She made a sleepy noise of inquiry, head still nestled on his shoulder. 

“Drunk is the only way you can imagine this happening?” He kept his voice light, part of the casual flirtation they’d been dancing around for months. 

“Mmmm… no.” Well, that was unexpected. As was her nuzzling at his neck. Apparently the hard-edged commander turned cuddly when half asleep. “But I don’t remember anything.” 

“I’m not surprised. The memories from the Prothean beacon really did a number on your head once Dr T’soni started trying to sort them out.” Kaidan tried to deliver the next part of the explanation as gently as possible. “The crew’s spent the past couple of days taking care of a sixteen-year-old refugee fresh from the assault on Mindoir.” 

He felt her entire body tense at the name of the colony where she’d grown up. Of course she was shocked to have it mentioned so casually. She hadn’t told any of the crew about her past, and when Liara’s memory probing left Shepard a sobbing, terrified wreck who didn’t recognize anyone or anything around her, it had taken some real digging for him to put the pieces together that she’d mentally regressed to that point of trauma. 

It looked like she was finally coming back to the present, and he didn’t want to lose her back into that dark place. Which was to say the Normandy couldn’t afford to be without her leadership for much longer. 

Shepard started to tremble and pull away, huddling in on her pain. Kaidan wrapped his arms around her more tightly, rubbing her back and murmuring reassurance against her hair. The habits he’d picked up for managing the younger version of Shepard the past day or two worked equally well to soothe her now. Within a few minutes, she had stopped shaking and settled back against his shoulder. But he could still feel the tension in her, muscles coiled and ready to spring for safety. 

“Think of it as an extended PTSD flashback. Nobody’s going to think less of you for it, ma’am. We’ve all been there.” Kaidan continued stroking her back, trying to keep her calm. “Williams still can’t talk about Eden Prime. Vakarian never mentions his time in the turian military. And some time, if you want to actually get me so drunk I won’t remember things afterwards, I’ll tell you more about growing up at brain camp.” 

Shepard’s heartbeat had returned to normal, a steady pulse rather than something he could feel hammering against her ribs. He kneaded gently at the last few tight spots in her shoulders, continuing to talk without thinking. “Having been hurt doesn’t make you weak or less of a good soldier. Knowing what you’ve been through and that you didn’t let it break you, that you can still do everything you’ve accomplished in spite of it… I admire you more for that. You’re a remarkable woman.” 

By the time his voice trailed off, he wasn’t entirely sure she was listening. Shepard’s breathing had evened and slowed to the point he suspected she was on the verge of falling back asleep. That was probably good; she could use the rest. Kaidan was settling back in to get as comfortable as possible to catch a bit more sleep himself when she surprised him by speaking again, her voice drowsy and indistinct. 

“This…” She waved a hand vaguely and burrowed more tightly against him. “Makes me think of Mindoir. Afterwards, I mean. I couldn’t sleep. Every time I closed my eyes, I was trapped back in the darkness.” 

Kaidan winced, remembering the sound of Shepard waking up screaming after she’d passed out from Liara’s mind probing. She’d been nearly incoherent with terror, and sedating her had been pretty much the only option. Even under the drugs, she’d twitched and whimpered. Eventually, he’d worked out what was wrong and how to help. It had only taken a few hours, but that had still been far too long to watch her in that kind of pain. 

Oblivious to his thoughts, she continued. “There was this marine, the one who found me, dug me out. I’d latched onto him as my savior.” There was a note of wry amusement in her voice, almost self-mocking. “The only way I could sleep was with him holding me like this. Every night on the trip back from Mindoir. I never even learned his name.” 

Kaidan nodded; that confirmed a hunch. When the shell-shocked teenage Shepard had begun clinging to him and panicking in his absence, he’d suspected he was standing in for someone in her past who’d made her feel safe. He was frustrated it had taken him so long to figure out this was all she needed for undrugged sleep. In his defense, it probably would have been a more obvious solution for a teenaged refugee than his CO. 

“You cast me in the part the past few days. I figure there must have been a resemblance.” 

Shepard shook her head as best she could without lifting it. “Blond, broader shoulders. Not really.” She thought for a moment. “Something about the eyes, maybe. I remember he had kind eyes, easy to trust.” 

Kaidan added another insight to the stock of information he was gathering about the commander during this ordeal, and fervently hoped yet again that she wouldn’t feel the need to kill him for it afterwards. He checked the bedside chronometer. “It’s still a couple hours until either of us has to be on shift. You should get some more sleep, Shepard.” 

“You don’t have to stay.” Despite the offer, she made no move to disentangle herself from him. 

“It’s been a rough couple of days, and you haven’t gotten much rest. If you’ll sleep better pretending I’m some nameless marine, I’ll try and have bigger shoulders.” 

She chuckled sleepily. “Yours are just fine. And Kaidan?” 

“Hmm?” 

“Thanks.” 

Whether intentionally or not, her lips brushed the side of his neck, sending a jolt of warmth through him. Her soft breathing continued to tickle across that patch of skin. Shepard shifted position as she settled back into unconsciousness. Now that she wasn’t behaving like a terrified teenager, it was a lot harder to ignore that the body pressed against him belonged to a fit, mature woman. There was no way he was going to be sleeping any time soon. 

Leaning his head back against the bulkhead, Kaidan tried to get as comfortable as he could. He might as well enjoy the peace and calm – as well as maybe certain other things – now. He had a hunch that the next time Shepard woke up, back to normal and no longer emotionally drained, she wouldn’t be quite so easy to deal with.


End file.
